Why directing?
It just makes sense with how I think.
I've always seen theatre from a bird's eye view — What's the story about? How do you tell that story? What does the audience take away from the story? and so on. But I also love talking about the little details, the smallest choices that really make the storytelling. So, in that sense, directing is what comes most naturally to me.
I didn't see people like me directing.
I was used to the stereotype of the dictator-as-director — the director whose word was law, who directed simply by condescending or yelling at the actors and designers, who placed himself at the top of the artistic hierarchy, whose only concern was making himself appear brilliant and wise. I rarely saw directors who seemed to genuinely care about the stories they were telling, or who treated their actors and designers as collaborators and equals in telling those stories. (And when I did see those types of directors, their shows were always better.)
I have all these thoughts, feelings, and ideas I want to express.
There are various factors (ADHD, anxiety, and the limitations of the English language, to name a few) that prevent me from being able to articulate myself the way that I want to. But when I'm directing a show, working with collaborators, doing something that I'm passionate about, it's as though I've unlocked a new part of my brain — one that allows me to express myself the way that I've always wished I could.
It's genuinely fun for me.
It feels like putting all the best parts of myself together. Of course, it's hard work that requires a lot of brain power, emotional intelligence, it can be stressful and difficult, it doesn't always turn out exactly how I want it to, etc, etc — but above all of that, it's something that brings me joy and fulfillment, and allows me to truly connect with other people. And that's what life is all about, isn't it?
